Considering Robert Parker Jr
One of the most controversial figures today in wine proves to be writer-reviewer Robert M. Parker, Jr. After his appearance at this year’s Napa Valley Wine Writer Symposium criticisms of his speech raced around the internet. Even Parker’s positive statements there were often framed by others as problematic. He seems in many ways a man others love to hate.
Parker’s own occasional rants have contributed to the phenomenon. Two months prior to his appearance at the Symposium, an online missive hosted at his pay-to-read site, eRobertParker.com, criticized what he described as movements currently occurring in wine. The movements discussed included what he described as low-alcohol wines that prove under-ripe, and pursuit of uncommon grapes to the detriment of quality in well-known ones. Though the piece opens as thoughtful, and carries too his vast knowledge of wine, many of his comments there do also deserve blunt critique. It is writing that falls into rant.
Criticism of Parker, however, often seems to outpace its subject, verging into such harsh territory as to not only remove humanity from its account of Parker, but also unwittingly from the author of the critique itself. Denial of the historical importance of Parker’s work also proves common, as if simple erasure of his work would be better.
But context must be kept. Parker has contributed immeasurably to the world of wine. His voice brought consumer interest to wine in a way that had not existed at such a level before. The accessibility of his rating system translated wine to consumers otherwise unfamiliar with wine’s language. Parker’s ability to enlarge consumer interest in wine previously has benefited all of us in wine today. Such benefit is true even as many of us now wish to dismantle such rating systems, and seek wines outside those most closely associated with Parker’s palate.
In public criticism, Parker’s palate is often reduced to a thirst for brute ripeness, or hugeness in wine. Talking about the man with winemakers, however, it becomes clear far more subtlety follows his tasting abilities. His love for wine too from houses like Rayas, most famously, would seem to illustrate an obvious appreciation for delicacy. Reading through tasting notes from Parker, especially earlier ones, his passion for wine is infectious. It becomes clear how he brought so many consumers to wine rests not just in his rating system, but also his enthusiasm.
One of the downsides of influence is its incredible power to act as mirror to all those looking towards it. Projection on leaders, or those with fame proves rampant as people end up speaking less about the actual person within the fame, than about the ideas they’ve cast upon him or her. More frustrating, finding people invested in listening beyond such preconceived ideas proves rare. More profiles written on such figures, then, don’t necessarily offer more insight into who they actually are.
With all of this in mind, in the last year I became interested in learning more about the man behind the Robert Parker phenomenon, that is, Robert Parker himself. In seeking the possibility of sharing an interview with him, I was lucky enough to discover my colleague and friend, R.H. Drexel, of the celebrated wine journal Loam Baby has known Parker for years. Conversation ensued.
Drexel’s slogan for Loam Baby proves apt here, “No haters.” The idea, no haters, doesn’t mean no critique. It means something closer to a notion at the core of Spinoza’s Ethics, “hate is never good” (E4P45). Because it blinds us. Because it keeps us from seeing how to escape the problems within what we’re hating. Because it keeps us from loving how much there is to love, and according to Spinoza, hate reduces our health, and our strength. Only love increases it. To put that another way, the clearest critique, or brightest insights can only ever come from a love for the truth.
After conversation back and forth with RH Drexel, and with Parker on his willingness or not to be interviewed, the following conversation was finally conceived. My interest has been in hearing from Parker himself, to see what it’s like to meet the man inside the mirrors. The idea finally came, then, to get to know Robert Parker through his conversation with a friend, here R.H. Drexel. The advantage of this approach is in removing the filter of my own interpretation, to let the man speak for himself. Admirably, the opportunity means witnessing more of Drexel as well.
Thank you to R.H. Drexel, and to Robert Parker for sharing so openly, and for giving me the opportunity to share you both here. The photos throughout were requested specifically for this interview, and have been provided courtesy of Robert Parker.
RH Drexel talks with Robert M. Parker, Jr.
RH Drexel: I have known you for years, Robert, but I can’t seem to bring myself to call you Bob. I guess I’m old-timey that way. It bugs me when I hear young celebrities on talk shows say they’ve been working with “Bobby” or “Bob” DeNiro. DeNiro probably doesn’t even care! I realize that this is my hang up. Anyway, you actually have 3 names: Bob, Robert and your nickname, Dowell. Which one do you prefer?
Robert M. Parker, Jr: I actually prefer Dowell, because my middle is McDowell, and Dowell was the name everyone called me from birth (although my father called me “Butch”) until I was in law school, and the professors started calling me “Robert” or “Bob.” I should have put a stop to it then, but for sure, Dowell has always sounded better to me than some common-ass name like “Bob” or “Robert.”
RHD: Okay, before we get to the fun stuff like discussing Breaking Bad, music, movies, Rayas and other stuff, I just want to get an important question out of the way.
So, as you and your wife, Pat know, on December 14th, 2012, I had a severe mental breakdown. I had not been sleeping at all well for the five days leading up to that day, and working too hard, so when the story broke of the tragedy at the Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newton, Connecticut, I didn’t have the emotional resources to know how to process that tragedy. I guess the simplest way to put is this: I just broke…I was heartbroken, exhausted and mentally incapable of understanding what had happened. I was placed in a psychiatric ward in Southern California where I remained through the Christmas holidays and into the New Year.
Since then, I’ve had great therapy and am now back to my old self. But, I often think, if I, a 49-year old with a really great family, a wonderful circle of friends and a good job, fell apart in the face of that tragedy, how must young people have felt when that happened?
I mean, I was a quirky, sensitive kid. If something like this had happened when I was a kid, I don’t think I’d ever want to leave the family house again.
Which brings me to these talks that you and I have about children and technology. I think parents pick on their kids way too much about how they’re always looking at their phones. If I was growing up in this crazy, messed up world, I’d want a tiny, magic little screen that I could stare into, too, where I’d share smiley faces and silly stuff with my friends. I think that might very well be where I’d feel safest…there and the family home.
As a society, we seem to have made it safely through the Era of the Atari Console, so we should be able to guide our children sensibly through the Era of the Smart Phone.
I mean, in a parallel universe, if the Atari Console and the smart phone became animated and stepped into a boxing ring together, the Atari Console might very well kick the smart phone’s ass, if you’re the kind of person that measures the threat posed by your enemy in terms of size and foreign-ness. So, I think all the adults out there need to CHILL OUT about their kids and their phones. I mean, they’re just tiny little boxes they hold in their hands.
You’ve always given me good advice. What advice do you have for young people who are confused when their parents are always saying, “Put that thing down! I’m trying to talk to you!!!!!” but they think it’s the “coolest thing in the whole wide world.”
RMP: I think conscientious parents are always trying to do what they think is the right thing, but they have to remember that they are usually at least 30 or more years senior to the kids they’re trying to keep on the straight and narrow path. I have a 27-year-old who’s moved back into the house. She was adopted when she was three months old from Korea, and while I’ve tried to be a loving father, building her confidence and, at the same time, a degree of independence, I’ve been somewhat laissez-faire in terms of some of the behaviors I would consider excessive, self-indulgent, or just not all that responsible. On the other hand, if I’m the good cop, my wife tends to be the bad cop. She leans toward being a strict disciplinarian trying to mold our daughter in her image – which, of course, I think is a great one, since I married her – but one size doesn’t fit all, and I think parents need to let kids find their own way. Try to give them guidance and hope that through a process of osmosis they absorb the very basic fundamentals of life – knowing the difference between real right and real wrong, and learning that life is nothing more than a one-way ticket, a journey where there’ll be ups and downs, you’ll get knocked down and kicked in the face, but if you’ve got some degree of confidence and a fighting spirit, you will bounce back. Just take the bad times with the good times, but cherish those good times, because that’s what it’s all about in the end. Whatever turns you on, turns you on, and most parents don’t really have a fucking clue about a kid’s private life or their inner likes or dislikes.
I went to a high school where only about ten percent of the students were considered “college material.” (These were the old, politically incorrect days, where the classes were arranged A, B, C, D and F, and you can imagine that the students in D and F were basically those with extra Y chromosomes and several years older, since they had repeated a few grades.) Moreover, I lived in a farming area, where the population was high-density redneck. I live in the same area today, but the demographics have changed 180 degrees, the rednecks just can’t afford to live here anymore, and the farmers have largely been pushed out of business by giant industrial conglomerates, so now the demographics of the high school I went to are basically all college-bound and impressive. The rednecks used to hang together and try to intimidate any of us who were considered college material, but as an only child, my father taught me to fight back, and fight I did. I got my ass kicked several times, but I always made sure that they didn’t get away with any bullshit, and after a while they stopped bugging me, largely because I was physically bigger than them, and even though they outnumbered me, they were essentially cowards. I have no idea why bullying would have increased in our society except that I think it reflects a certain insecurity among kids, and to try to pick on others is a sign of cowardice, weakness, and really is intolerable. No kid should have to experience that while they’re growing up with so many other pressures and demands, just trying to get through junior or senior high school and prepare themselves, if they intend to go further, for college.
Why do you think bullying is on the rise?
RHD: You know, when I was a little kid, my family and I watched the evening news with Walter Cronkite. He always seemed so calm and like the kind of grandfather you’d like to have. We were going through some scary times then, too, but after watching the news, I could tell that my mom and dad were pretty calm. That made me think everything was going to be okay. I remember praying every night for Walter Cronkite and Mr. President. At that naïve age, I thought they ran the whole country.
Now, I’ll visit with friends and they’ll have one of these 24 hour news channels on. And, adults will just be yelling at each other in the most uncivilized of ways. If I were a kid, I’d just surmise that our country is in deep shit if our adults don’t even know how to talk to one another with decency. And, if I were a kid with parents that maybe weren’t that tender-hearted with me, and if I felt neglected, I’d probably react to the world the way the adults act on television. I’d probably think, “if they can talk to each other that way, why can’t I? Seems like that’s how you get attention!”
RMP: The 24-hour news cycle is something that drives me nuts as well. I love it when I’m traveling abroad, where the news consists of five minutes of headlines, thirty seconds of weather, and that’s it for the day, so why not go out to dinner or listen to some music and chill out. I’ve pretty much tuned out all of the talking heads from the major media to the cable channels, because it seems all scripted, all screaming, yelling, and shouting, just appalling incivility. All of it is unnerving, it promotes social disharmony, and it creates an impression that the whole world is completely fucked up – which it probably is. I’m answering this just as Iraq is collapsing, after the United States spent billions of dollars there and had nearly 5,000 young soldiers killed. Moreover, only God knows how many more were maimed and physically destroyed for the balance of their lives. I think it’s part of this new culture of anger, showoff-ism, and just rude-ass behavior that I don’t need to support and I have the option of refusing to observe it.
Okay, let’s lighten up and talk about some of our favorite things.
RHD: So, both of us are THE BIGGEST “BREAKING BAD” FANS EVER! I think what makes us giggle about this is that the show itself contains some pretty dark subject matter and characters, but whenever you and I talk about it, those discussions end up bringing out the best in us. We get animated. We laugh. We philosophize. Why do you think “Breaking Bad” became such an iconic show?
RMP: “Breaking Bad” is an iconic show and was great because it reminds us that, no matter how good our intentions may be, we’re never that far from the abyss. Here we have a teacher who’s totally dedicated to providing for his family, who learns he has terminal cancer and wants to take care of them. He’s smart enough and has enough connections in the neighborhood to begin producing state-of-the-art crystal meth. The show reinforces that essentially this guy is a good guy, but becomes evil through the noble intention of wanting to take care of his family. In the process, his power, his corruption, his moral fiber deteriorate to the point where he is as sinister as the assassins sent over to New Mexico from Mexican cartels to try to take over the meth market. It’s the classic good vs. evil sitcom fairytale, but it’s so well done, because you have a very likeable guy, a wonderful family, and in the process of wanting to provide for them, he becomes evil personified. I suspect it fascinates us all because none of us are really that far from “breaking bad” either.
RHD: Have you found anything to replace it? I mean, not replace it; it’s irreplaceable! But, have you found any other series to abate the Breaking Bad jonesing? And if so, why do you like it?
I myself have discovered “High Maintenance” on Vimeo. It’s a free little series that I love, but I’m already through the whole thing because each episode is pretty short.
RMP: There really is no other series even remotely similar to “Breaking Bad.” There have certainly been other cable shows that I’ve enjoyed immensely, “The Sopranos” and, more recently, Timothy Olyphant in “Justified,” set in Harlan County, Kentucky. In its own way, “Downton Abbey” is a masterpiece of classic British television and a look at a long-gone era. And who the hell doesn’t love an actress like Maggie Smith? By the way, a series I’m just beginning to get into, which is pretty kinky but I like it so far, is “Banshee,” but since I’ve seen less than one full season, I’m not sure where it’s going to go and whether it can hold and build interest, as “Breaking Bad” did.
RHD: I’ve watched two awesome movies lately. The first is called, “Mile…Mile and a Half.” It’s a documentary about a group of artists that hike the John Muir Trail. I simultaneously smiled and got choked up through the whole thing. And, I also liked “Frequencies,” though some of it went over my head so I need to watch it again. How about you. Any good film recommendations?
RMP: I haven’t really seen any good movies that have excited me recently, but I can share with you some of my favorite movies of all time. They would include, in no particular order, “Lawrence of Arabia,” “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest,” “Simon Birch,” “Alien,” “L.A. Confidential,” “True Romance,” and “Schindler’s List.”
RHD: So, the first real spiritual experience I had with a wine was with Rayas, a 1998 bottle that you recommended to me. While drinking it, over the course of several hours, I remembered the smells of a church I used to love to visit in college: cold marble floors, frankincense, candles burning, the wet wool coats of old ladies who’d spend hours there on rainy days. Anyway, that wine transported me. What’s the first time a wine really took you some place different and can you describe that sensation?
RMP: It’s funny that you mention the 1998 Rayas. That entire estate has always produced a sort of “heart and soul” wine under medieval conditions, from old vines, microscopic yields, and it walks the tightrope without a safety net between something quite vulgar and weird to something incredibly sublime, magical and complex. It’s always been one of my favorite wines in the world. The 1990, 1989, 1985, and the first two that really blew my mind, the 1978 and 1979, will always be among those cherished liquid memories that just take you to another world. Of course, the now-deceased Jacques Reynaud, who managed Rayas during the time I was visiting there (1978-2006) was a single man who had to endure an incredible number of the wackiest rumors and stories about him, but I found him compassionate and well-read. Once you gained his trust, he was a fascinating guy to taste with, and to talk with about wines or any other subject you chose. I had actually convinced him to leave his little, bucolic area of Châteauneuf du Pape and come to New York, and I promised I would come up and be his guide, but just several months later he dropped dead of, I believe, a massive heart attack while shoe shopping – a fetish of his – in Avignon.
RHD: You’re an avid reader, as am I. A few years ago, you recommended that I try buying an e-reader, which might be easier for me to travel with, rather than a heavy bag of books. Ultimately, do you have a preference between your e-reader and a real book?
RMP: I’ve been using a Kindle ever since they came out.
RHD: Read any good books lately?
RMP: I read voraciously and always have. I tend to read two or three books at the same time, usually one work of non-fiction and at least one fiction, and I tend to jump between them trying to fall asleep at night, which is never that easy. I was a history major in college, and my interest in history has never really left me. Certainly, a lot of history is being created today and so much of it is basically history repeating itself, which in it itself is fascinating as well as depressing.
As to recently read books, the non-fiction includes “The Long Gray Line: The American Journey of West Point’s Class of 1966,” “Khartoum: The Ultimate Imperial Adventure,” “A Bright Shining Line: John Paul Vann and America in Vietnam” (second time I’ve read this), “The Guns at Last Light: The War in Western Europe, 1944-1945,” and a book I’ve read for the third time because I think the lessons it teaches are timeless, William Shirer’s “The Rise and Fall of The Third Reich.”
As for fiction, some of my favorite authors, I read just about everything they produce, include Daniel Silva’s “The English Girl,” Brad Thor’s “Hidden Order,” Lee Child’s “Never Go Back,” Harlan Coben’s “Six Years,” Stephen Hunter’s “The Third Bullet” (a Bob Lee Swagger novel), Don Winslow’s “The Kings of Cool: A Prequel to Savages,” and “Mission to Paris” by Alan Furst.
A couple more non-fiction would be “Zulu: The Heroism and Tragedy of the Zulu War of 1879,” “Not Taco Bell Material” by Adam Carolla, Charles Krauthammer’s “Things That Matter,” and Charles Murray’s “Coming Apart: The State of White America, 1960-2010.” And lastly, a sort of quasi-fictional book based on non-fictional events, and in real time, “In the Garden of Beasts,” by Eric Larson.
RHD: The best book I’ve read in a long time is called “Tibetan Peach Pie”, the Tom Robbins memoir. Personally, I think it should be in every nightstand in every hotel and motel across the nation, but that’s another conversation for another time.
Now, you and I (and countless people) live with the unfortunate reality of chronic pain. In a way, I think our mutual chronic pain has brought us even closer. I feel like I’ve tried everything under the sun. Lately, what seems to work for me is just watching television on my days offs, with the doors and windows in the house open, so that I’m getting plenty of fresh air and the sounds of nature, which I find comforting. You’ve been trying Hydrotherapy. Can you talk a little bit about that and how it’s working for you?
RMP: I’ve been plagued by chronic spinal pain that became debilitating and thus I chose to have a massive rebuild of my lumbar spine, with new discs on all five levels and then titanium rods and screws, so I’m somewhat pain-free now but still fighting the re-education in terms of walking unassisted. It hasn’t stopped me from doing everything I need to do since this eight and a half hour operation in late May of 2013, including four trips to California, three-plus weeks in Asia and several weeks in Bordeaux. I’m adapting, but there’s no question that the pain and disability can be incredibly depressing and you have to fight through it. For me, my dogs and music are relaxing. My wife also gave me the gift of an endless pool water well with a submerged treadmill, and while I’ve only gotten about 15 uses in on it between trips, I can walk 50 minutes on the treadmill at nearly two miles an hour without ever having to hold on to anything. I don’t have any pain when I use it, and that’s uplifting, but I will cherish the day when I can transfer walking unassisted on the treadmill thanks to the buoyancy of the water in this water well to walking on land unassisted. That day may never come, but I’m holding out hope that it will. But to answer your question, I think hydrotherapy or aquatherapy is really the future, especially as we age, arthritis sets in and we have joint pain. I’ve had one knee replacement and need another one, and I don’t have a trace of knee pain when I’m in water, which is a revelation for me.
RHD: I guess another thing I really enjoy on a rough day is just one really, really good glass of cold beer. Funny side story…I was hanging out with one of my young craft beer maker friends, and I told him, ‘You know, the best thing that came out of being in that scary psychiatric ward is that now, ever since I’ve been healthy again, every single beer I’ve had tastes about 100 times better than it did before I broke down.’
And, I swear, I saw this crazy glimmer in this kid’s eye, like he was thinking ‘maybe I should get institutionalized! 100 times better??!!!!!’ So I casually said, ‘You know, I think I exaggerated, it’s probably only 10% better now, maybe even 5%,’ and that seemed to talk him down from that tree. Those craft beer guys are a fun, crazy bunch. Though, I do maintain that every beer is 100% better than it was before the break down. What beers have you been enjoying lately? And, have you tried pairing them with food? I know you’re big into wine and food pairing.
RMP: As a product of the hippie movement of the late ‘60s, I think it’s probably natural to have an interest in all things alcoholic, and even beyond that, but the name of my wine journal, The Wine Advocate, sort of says that I’m hardly an advocate for other beverages. But I do think the boutique craft movement in the beer industry has been fabulous. You don’t need a whole lot of money to start one up, and tiny cult/craft breweries can become national success stories. Locally we have Dogfish Head in Delaware making an assortment of beers, all of them highly regarded, and many of them I find fascinating. I don’t really advertise a lot about beer, but I have tweeted about a number of unique beers. Now you’re seeing beers being fermented in old bourbon barrels, and I think sometimes they’re too heavy and too rich, but it’s funny that in the beer world, it seems like bigger and richer is what everyone wants, whereas in the wine world you have a group of hipster sommeliers who are basically advocating weird, undrinkable and deeply flawed wines. That sort of movement has not been accepted at all in the beer world, although one could certainly argue that some of the Belgian beers, with their high levels of brettanomyces and volatile acidity are indeed flawed, and that’s part of the appeal of them.
RHD: Okay, so let’s talk bucket list items, because one of mine involves you. I have this dream that I’d like to go to Burning Man. I want to go with wine-loving folks and set up some kind of camp in honor of Bacchus; of course, it will be weird, homey, delicious, dark, light and welcoming to all. Any way that you and Pat would consider coming out to Burning Man for a wine celebration like no other? And, do you have a bucket list item you can share here?
RMP: In response to your invitation to Burning Man, while in agreement with many of their principles (above all, gifting and self-reliance), I am also a lone wolf, and avoid any groups (lawyer and wine junkets are viewed with horror). I can’t change that.
I used to do what many people do when a new year starts – I’d make a few plans and try to improve myself as a person. But about three or four years ago, I decided I would just adopt something I call “Random Acts of Kindness,” and I’ve actually been quite good at it and consistent as well. The first episode was at a gas station where some beggar wanted to borrow money, and when I asked him what for, he said he needed cigarettes. I’m not an advocate of smoking tobacco, but I said, “I’ll buy you a pack. What do you want?” and the guy almost fainted. But of course, no good deed goes unpunished. He followed me to my car and wanted me to buy him a second pack, and I told him basically to fuck off. Apparently, even among the very poor, American greed is alive and well. But as far as bucket lists go, I’ve been one of those fortunate people who have done so many things that I dreamed of doing but never thought were possible – doing a wine tasting on the Great Wall of China in 2008 was certainly a bucket list item. Traveling the world many, many times and seeing so many extraordinary places would certainly have been on any of my earlier bucket lists, but I’ve done it. There are a few places I still haven’t gotten to that I would love to visit, such as parts of India, Cambodia, and a handful of other places, but my bucket list is pretty small. I think with the mobility issues that I’ve faced since this massive back surgery, the biggest thing would be to walk independently again. It’s amazing how we take for granted some of the most fundamental tasks in life, and then when they’re lost, you realize just how goddamned essential and important they are to you.
RHD: Okay, so we both love, love, love music. Basically, you and I will listen to anything once. Our tastes are very varied; classic rock, jazz, folk music, early hip hop, early country and everything in between. Now, most of my friends would be surprised to learn that I am a Justin Bieber fan. I really enjoyed that documentary about him, Believe. He makes his fans so happy. And, it appears that the young Mr. Bieber, at the unripe age of 20 years old, has a bigger sack than the entire staff of TMZ combined (go Justin!). What musical group or artist do you think it would surprise people to know that you really like?
RMP: Like you, I have very divergent tastes in music, from obviously the classical to rock ‘n’ roll and of course, the music that formed my early college years, the folk movement pioneered by Bob Dylan and, to a certain extent, Neil Young, Peter, Paul and Mary, etc. We do differ on Justin Bieber, as I would just like to kick his ass back to Canada. I’m sorry to say that, but I’m no fan of his. But normally, I don’t really care how nuts, weird or wacky a musician is, it’s really the music that counts in the end, just like the wine in the glass. You can be the biggest jerk-off or asshole in the world, and if you make a really good wine, that’s all that matters to me. I’m a big Austin, Texas country music guy, I have been for a long time, I think it’s the epicenter for some incredible artists who write their own music, play their own instruments, yet have never really gotten a huge following, and I really don’t understand why. Maybe there needs to be a “Music Advocate.” I’m talking about guys like Gurf Morlix, Danny Schmidt, and beyond Austin, singers and groups like James McMurtry, the Heartless Bastards (man – their lead singer, Erika Wennerstromon, has a great voice!), Todd Snider, Jackie Greene are all fabulous, still relatively young songwriters who may be writing the best lyrics since Bob Dylan’s classic years in the early and mid-1960s. Others that have their origins in Austin are the late Blaze Foley, Erika Gilkyson, Butthole Surfers, Robert Earl Keen, Slaid Cleeves, and Gary Clark, Jr. Anyhow, a lot these people just don’t seem to get much commercial attention, and I’m at a loss to understand why, but hey, that’s the way it is. I’ll buy ‘em and support’ em and tell as many people as possible about them and that’s all I can do.
RHD: You’ve been married to your lovely wife Pat for a long time and I really admire the relationship you both have. Any advice for couples who want to have a lasting marriage but find it tough sometimes?
RMP: Obviously, the best decision and the most fortuitous event of my life was meeting Patricia Etzel, who I first met when we were both twelve years old. We didn’t really go on a date until we were 15, and dating through high school and the early years of college was, at the very minimum, quite turbulent, largely because of me and my rather irresponsible attitude toward things. But when push came to shove, so to speak, I was relentless and got the girl and love of my life. We’ll be celebrating 45 years of marriage soon, probably by the time this interview is published. She’s my best friend, my lover, my confidante, and yes, no marriage can endure that long without a lot of compromise and back-and-forth, but at the end of the day, she makes me laugh, has a great sense of humor, loves good food and wine as well as music, and it’s always shocking how our interests are so similar. That’s not to say we haven’t had some pretty loud shouting matches over 45 years, but I don’t think we’ve ever gone to bed without kissing each other, no matter how pissed off I was at her for something. An interesting thing I can tell young couples is that most of the biggest fights you will ever have are over the most fucking ridiculously trivial things. Now, of course, you could always betray a partner, but I haven’t done that, and neither has she (to my knowledge), but I’m talking about stupid things. It’s amazing how something totally irrelevant and unimportant can cause fireworks. I think the key is, don’t stay mad and make sure you kiss each other before you go to bed no matter how mad you are at each other.
RHD: I really enjoy that television show, The Actor’s Studio, with James Lipton. I like when he asks his guests something like, “If there is a God, what do you hope to hear Him say when you get to heaven”, or something like that. What do you hope to hear?
RMP: Just getting to heaven would be a worthwhile accomplishment, and if God were there, I would probably try to get through the so-called pearly gates as quickly as possible in case he decided to change his mind. But if he was going to ask me a question, I suspect it would probably be one he asks many, and that’s “Were you good to people? Did you treat them as you would have wanted them to treat you?” And he might also ask if I thought I left earth a better place than when I entered. I think I could say yes to all that, and even pass a lie detector test on those questions.
But if God said anything to me, I would prefer the following: “Are you ready to see your parents and all those who you loved who predeceased you? And, by the way, all the dogs you’ve loved and lost since age four are here as well.”
What would you like to hear God say?
RHD: Well, I think everyone I know hopes they’ll have a little more money when they grow old and die than they do now. And, I don’t think it’s so that they can buy a fancy sports car or something like that. I think they’d just like to have some money to give to their kids and their grandkids, to make their lives a little easier. So, hoping that is the case for me, I’d like to hear God say, “Hey kid! You have some mad, moral ninja skills!…I mean, once folks with money transform themselves into the camel to undergo the great test, most of them can’t even find the needle. And, if they do, they kick it aside because they think it’s of no use to them. But, you walked right up to it and managed to fit your big nose and ears right through the eye of the needle. And, then the way you navigated both humps through the needle, without it ever breaking, and then flicked it off your tail with a little flourish and a not-too-bad pirouette….well that was just good old fashioned entertainment! Come on in, kick your shoes off, let me pour you a glass of wine!”
RMP: Well, Elaine, thank you and thanks to R. H. Drexel. In 35 years in the wine business, I have rarely had the chance to express myself candidly and be asked a series of questions that didn’t include anything about power – it’s so refreshing.
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